Then Life Happened

So today starts week two of half marathon training has begun. (I just noticed the grammar errors in that first sentence, but I think it is a good example of exactly what Im writing about. I clearly have two sentences going on there.) Last week I can say, that I was really pumped, and confident about doing new things and cutting excuses out of my life. This week I am realizing that I am really going to have to be mindful of over committing myself, and keeping up with life. One thing that was outlined on the training schedule I am choosing to follow is weight training and stretching. I feel like this will be an important factor in me not hurting myself. I have hip pain, and after doing a little research have found I need to work on toning my tushy to support those joints. So today I attended Butts and Guts, at the gym I belong to, and I can say that I definitely need to keep going because those muscles are weak! Also with that being said today turned out to be kind of busy, and I crammed my after work schedule a little too full.  It looked like this, gym, weight watchers, meeting up with a friend, and now its late, I have just enough time to get ready for tomorrow before bed. I did not have time to get my allergy shot, which I normally do on Monday's, and I would not have had time to squeeze my run in, so I got my miles in on my "lunch break." My schedule and all the things I have to do things week are weighing heavy on my mind. I know that I am really going to have to start planning better, and taking a few moments in the day for myself or I am going to fail at this again. Oh and did I mention that I didn't really make anything for dinner, my house is a disaster, and it just occurred to me that my laundry needs to go in the dryer. I have been really having problems with this lately and have had to re-wash clothes multiple times for this reason! But back to failing at this half marathon training... I almost feel like I am more prepared to fail at this, than I am to actually run it. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not yet. I missed my long run for last week because I was just too exhausted. It was only 3.5 miles, which is 0.5 miles farther than I normally go, so I am hoping it's not too crucial. This weeks long run is 4 miles. I kind of pumped. The thought of running more than 3 miles freaks me out though. I run the same stretch of sidewalk which is 3 miles give or take in any direction that I go. The fact that I will actually have to figure out and plan for that extra mile is going to take a little effort. I am also someone that worries about time, how long things will take, and setting aside enough time to finish. I am thinking that it will need to be something I do in the morning, so that I can get up run my miles and not think about it the rest of the day. I am also having to re-arrange my running schedule and different things because my husband and I are participating in our second mud run this weekend! I am so excited for this! The first one was such a blast. I feel better prepared for this one because I know more of what to expect. My two big concerns are being sore from my long run for the race, or being sore from the race for next weeks miles. I will just have to wait and see.
On another note, I have been having a numbness in my toes again. I had experienced this a few months ago, and after talking with my neurologist, thought it may have something to do with my aspartame consumption. After I cut aspartame out, I hadn't noticed it anymore. Lately every little thing that might be slightly MS related freaks me out. :(.. I am really hoping  that it is my crappy running shoes. I guess I will find out later this week, when I hopefully get some new ones!!
A couple of things are on my mind in my mental part of this process are some things Joyce Meyer had said in her Podcasts last week. The first being at first when you have this great idea everyone is backing you, your adrenaline is flowing and you can't wait to begin. But as the process continues all those people have faded and its just you and Jesus making it work. Secondly, something else from a message I heard from her and I believe is mentioned somewhere else in this blog, about adjusting your life. Everyday is an adjustment, and when one curve ball comes your way, you adjust and try to make everything fit again. This is a mental, and physical journey, and I can not wait to see what happens next! I am sure it will be a whole lot of life!!

Perfect Failures

This morning I was again reminded of the events in my life that could be seen as failures,  and have been great opportunities and learning experiences. I am also reminded of the word picture, "the ripple effect." If what I had wanted to do, had not "failed" I would not have gotten the even greater opportunity that had been waiting for me. A few things that stick out in my mind are, college, the Peace Corp, and re-arranging my wedding. I will start with college, because that seems to be where it all began. I went to college straight out of High School, with no clear career path. I wanted to work with people, "helping them," in some sense of the word. I began taking pre-requisite courses for Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Dietetics, and ultimately graduated with a degree in Social Work. I know I am suppose to have this degree, and here is why. After changing my major a few times, and continuing to struggle with science, and foreign language classes, I contemplated changing schools, and starting over entirely. I met with a few counselors from different schools regarding Nursing programs, to change majors yet again. Changing schools would have ultimately meant completely starting over. I had gone so far with the school I had currently been at that I had enough overall credits to graduate, but did not have enough credits in one area to obtain a degree in anything. So one night, while at work the thought crossed my mind to look through all of the degree programs for the current school I was at and just pick a program that I had the most amount of credits toward. Ultimately that had been Social Work. I only need a couple of classes to apply for the program, so I took them, applied and began the course work soon after. While going through the coursework, I was excited but knew that there was something more for me. I wanted to be a part of something bigger after college, so I applied to the Peace Corps. I went through one interview, and completed all of the necessary paperwork, and patiently waited for everything to be processed. I soon found out that I had not been accepted because they felt my Multiple Sclerosis was too much of a risk factor for me being out of the country for so long. I had the option to appeal, but didn't. I didn't appeal because, soon after receiving the denial, a 20/20 special regarding the Peace Corps aired, and I felt that my denial had happened for a reason, and that it was not what I needed to do at this time. But I was also lost, I didn't have a plan after college other than that. I was going to graduate, join the Peace Corps for two years, and then continue on with my education. But that didn't happen, and I was so unsure of what and where I needed to be. So after graduation, I found a job in my field and tossed around the idea of going to graduate school, and obtaining my Masters in Social Work. I really thought that was what was next. I completed the application, and obtained recommendation letters from supervisors, and professors, and was ultimately accepted into the graduate program. A few months prior to being accepted, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, and my father's health took a turn for the worst. In preparation for school, and to assist in my father's care, I took a more flexible job where I was able to make my own schedule, and hopefully balance everything coming my way. My fiance and I had initially planned to marry a year after our initial engagement, but with my father's health declining, we moved the wedding up. My dad had been sick with Multiple Sclerosis most of my life, and had been unable to attend most of my important moments. High school, and college graduation, dance recitals, band and choir concerts, etc. My wedding was going to be the one thing he was there for, even if it meant moving the wedding up 6 months. So the time line of events went something like this. On a Wednesday I left my job, and had 2 days to finish wedding prep before beginning my new job on Monday. The next day (Thursday), my husband and I finalized, our Hall, Catering, Photographer and the other big details. I also received my acceptance to graduate school that Thursday. Friday my mother in law and I bought decorations, Sunday I went to have my wedding dress altered. Monday I left town to begin training for my new job that was going to last until Thursday of that week. I was scheduled to stay a couple hours from home while completing my training. Thursday morning around 3am my mother called to tell me that she thought my dad had passed, and I was hours away from home. I called my husband, then fiance and asked him to go to my parents until I could get there. My father passed 5 days and 2 months before our wedding, the wedding we had worked so hard just days before to re plan, just so that he could be there. That was one of the craziest times of my life. I wanted to hold myself together so badly because my poor mother was falling apart. I can not even imagine, the man you have been married to for more than 30 years, have had to provide hands on care for, for more than 20 years, is just gone.  I was about to get married, and my poor husband had to see my continually fall apart, and not caring nearly enough about our wedding. We kept our new wedding date, since we had worked so hard to change it once, we did not change it back. I did not go to graduate school that year, and ultimately decided that, that was not where I needed to be either. So as a result of all of my "failures," I was able to experience some pretty amazing things. The Fall after not being accepted to the Peace Corps I had an amazing opportunity to join my church on a short term mission trip to Guatemala. It was such a great chance to connect with people I may have not otherwise been in touch with, to see another country, and experience another culture. This trip will be forever with me. Also that Fall, by now husband proposed. Which if I would have been accepted to the Peace Corps, and been out of the country for two years, may never have happened. As for the craziness surrounding my wedding, and my father's passing I had been very stressed, and saddened that I had taken a new job to help with my dad's care, and to return to school, neither happened. Looking back, taking this job, and being away from home, allowed for my parents to have a few moments alone in the days leading up to my father's passing. The job I took ultimately filled a gap until I found the position I currently have. I am also very grateful that our wedding happened when it did. By moving everything up six months, my husband and I were given time to adjust, and spend some quality time together before my husband returned to school in the Fall. I have ultimately decided against going to graduate school to obtain a Master's in Social Work. I have been lead to begin taking classes toward a Nursing degree. In many ways I feel as though I have come full circle in all of this, and that all of these events needed to happen exactly as they have for me to be at peace with where I am now. Over the course of this week, one message that has become loud and clear to me is that things need to happen in God's timing, and that if I keep God at my center, he will not lead me astray. So although, my life did not exactly go as I had planned, I am sure this is the way God had seen it. I have felt for a long time that I need to reach people through my own story, and personal experiences. It was never clear to me how this was going to happen, but I am seeing that perhaps this blog will be a good way to do that. I can look back and see how other peoples stories, and knowledge of their journey's have helped me manage my own experiences, or have acted as a guide to work through different times in my own life. I am hopeful that my journey will do the same for others, or plant to seed for others to begin seeking God's will, and timing for their own life. I ran across this image today, which goes right along with my perfect failures, so I thought I should share it as well.

Be Inspired

The question that was recently brought to my attention, "What inspires you?"It has really made me think about all the different things that have impacted me, and brought me to where I am today. Another phrase "the ripple effect," really rings true for me on so many levels. There are just days where I am so clearly able to see the vastly different chain of events that has brought me to the exact point of where I am having these thoughts and time of reflection. Let me begin with this. Running. It is something that almost seems trendy these days. Something that everyone is doing, training for and being apart of. Which might frustrate some, but excites me that people are inspired to take part, be active and get moving!! Running had never been something that intrigued me. I am the klutziest, most accident prone person on the planet, my hand/foot to eye coordination is a joke. I have never actively played a sport, I can barely play ping pong. My lack of athleticism goes back to the fact that I participated in Marching Band for four years in high school mainly to get out of gym class, because it counted as a gym credit. (Band actually wore on me, and I secretly loved it, but know one has to know). I became inspired to run after watching a late night TV special/documentary years ago. I can't remember the specific details surrounding the couple featured, but from what I can remember, was that a woman some how became disabled suddenly, by either a disease, or accident. Her dream had been to participate in the Boston marathon, or she and her husband had wanted to complete this race together, and once she became disabled she was no longer able to walk let alone run. Her husband then began running with his wife, while pushing her in a wheelchair. They eventually went on to have a custom chair built, and he ran the Marathon while pushing his wife. I remember him describing the last few miles of this race, and how the terrain was hilly, making it even more difficult to push his wife's chair, but he pushed on and made it to the finish line. From this moment I could not help but think to myself, why are you not running? There are people who can't even walk, and you are an able bodied healthy person, you need to run. It also made me think of my dad. He had been such an athlete, who stayed active, and fit, and ended up being bound to a wheelchair, almost completely paralysed, and unable to do anything for himself because of Multiple Sclerosis. I need to run for him, and all the other people who can't. I set a life goal for myself that I would run a marathon one day. I still have that goal, but having a goal, and working toward achieving a goal are very different things. A few years ago I had begun training for a half marathon. It was the dead of winter in Michigan, I was working and going to school, and training ultimately fell to the way side. I have run some 5k's here and there, but can honestly say I haven't thought about running, or ran in a long time until recently. Recently my husband and I made the decision to be healthier together. Life, and our new marriage greatly impacted our waistlines, and we both needed to get moving!! So we signed up for a couple of mud run 5ks. Our first one was last month, and he kicked my butt! I could not keep up with him, and my bratty self definitely thought it would be the other way around. I kept thinking, I go to the gym, and take boot camp classes, and used to run all the time. Well the key words there are USED TO. I quickly realized I needed to step up my game to make it through the next 5k, and the following 4 miler! I began running again, with those two things being my ultimate goal. The mention of the Detroit half marathon, in October, was brought to my attention soon after. Someone was talking about how there is an international option where you run to Canada over the Ambassador Bridge, and come back to the states through the tunnel. Which sounds pretty cool. I then stumbled upon and article called, "You CAN run a half marathon." The training did not look too hard, week one is 3, 3 mile runs and one 3.5 mile, with a similar schedule the following week, adding additional miles on the long run day. So I made an agreement with myself, that if I could stick with the training plan for one month, I would sign up for the Detroit half marathon. The little voice in the back of my head has not been to confident, considering the fact that I have tried to train, unsuccessfully for a half marathon once before. I am in similar circumstances now, working full time, and beginning school in a few weeks. It may even be a little crazier now that I am married, and have our household to keep up with :/. But, I have made it through the first few runs, and I can say I am sore, and slow! Not much of a confidence boost to say the least. So this leads me back to a conversation I had a few days ago, and the question I was presented with, "What inspires you?" Followed by, "Whats really stopping you from doing this besides the excuses you are making for yourself?"Hmm.. Nothing. Literally, not a thing, besides my own fear of failure. I am afraid of few things. First becoming injured, also running it alone, running over a bridge (which I am deathly afraid of, and hate heights), and not finishing in the allotted time. Mentally I have begun to prepare myself for this, and have vowed to check my excuses at their point of entry, and pay attention to my negative thoughts. Being fearful, reminds me of something my husband recently said, "How often will you have an opportunity to run over the ambassador bridge?" Which also reminds me of another conversation that I had with my dad, regarding applying for the Peace Corps. When he said to me, when will you have another opportunity to do this? It will be a great experience, and you will learn lessons that no one will be able to take away from you. Do this for you, regardless of what anyone else thinks. He also poked fun at my mom and her lack of adventures. I love my mom, to death, but I definitely got my passion to travel, and live outside the box from my dad. I see how much I am like him everyday, and it makes me wish so badly that he could be here. But not just that he was here, that he could be a part of it. So much of my life, my dad was sick, and could not be actively involved. But through everything, he was a fighter. And knowing that I have the same disease, and there is a possibility that  I may be disabled one day, I need to fight, to stop making excuses, and take every oppurtunitty as if it were my last. The reality is, anything can happen at any moment, and I may not be here tomorrow. I need to stop making excuses, and praise God for every day, and every breathe, and every opportunity I have been given. So this one's for you dad, I hope I'm making you proud!  And I will leave you with the questions, What Inspires you?  What is really holding you back from achieving the goals you have set out for yourself?