Perfect Failures

This morning I was again reminded of the events in my life that could be seen as failures,  and have been great opportunities and learning experiences. I am also reminded of the word picture, "the ripple effect." If what I had wanted to do, had not "failed" I would not have gotten the even greater opportunity that had been waiting for me. A few things that stick out in my mind are, college, the Peace Corp, and re-arranging my wedding. I will start with college, because that seems to be where it all began. I went to college straight out of High School, with no clear career path. I wanted to work with people, "helping them," in some sense of the word. I began taking pre-requisite courses for Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Dietetics, and ultimately graduated with a degree in Social Work. I know I am suppose to have this degree, and here is why. After changing my major a few times, and continuing to struggle with science, and foreign language classes, I contemplated changing schools, and starting over entirely. I met with a few counselors from different schools regarding Nursing programs, to change majors yet again. Changing schools would have ultimately meant completely starting over. I had gone so far with the school I had currently been at that I had enough overall credits to graduate, but did not have enough credits in one area to obtain a degree in anything. So one night, while at work the thought crossed my mind to look through all of the degree programs for the current school I was at and just pick a program that I had the most amount of credits toward. Ultimately that had been Social Work. I only need a couple of classes to apply for the program, so I took them, applied and began the course work soon after. While going through the coursework, I was excited but knew that there was something more for me. I wanted to be a part of something bigger after college, so I applied to the Peace Corps. I went through one interview, and completed all of the necessary paperwork, and patiently waited for everything to be processed. I soon found out that I had not been accepted because they felt my Multiple Sclerosis was too much of a risk factor for me being out of the country for so long. I had the option to appeal, but didn't. I didn't appeal because, soon after receiving the denial, a 20/20 special regarding the Peace Corps aired, and I felt that my denial had happened for a reason, and that it was not what I needed to do at this time. But I was also lost, I didn't have a plan after college other than that. I was going to graduate, join the Peace Corps for two years, and then continue on with my education. But that didn't happen, and I was so unsure of what and where I needed to be. So after graduation, I found a job in my field and tossed around the idea of going to graduate school, and obtaining my Masters in Social Work. I really thought that was what was next. I completed the application, and obtained recommendation letters from supervisors, and professors, and was ultimately accepted into the graduate program. A few months prior to being accepted, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, and my father's health took a turn for the worst. In preparation for school, and to assist in my father's care, I took a more flexible job where I was able to make my own schedule, and hopefully balance everything coming my way. My fiance and I had initially planned to marry a year after our initial engagement, but with my father's health declining, we moved the wedding up. My dad had been sick with Multiple Sclerosis most of my life, and had been unable to attend most of my important moments. High school, and college graduation, dance recitals, band and choir concerts, etc. My wedding was going to be the one thing he was there for, even if it meant moving the wedding up 6 months. So the time line of events went something like this. On a Wednesday I left my job, and had 2 days to finish wedding prep before beginning my new job on Monday. The next day (Thursday), my husband and I finalized, our Hall, Catering, Photographer and the other big details. I also received my acceptance to graduate school that Thursday. Friday my mother in law and I bought decorations, Sunday I went to have my wedding dress altered. Monday I left town to begin training for my new job that was going to last until Thursday of that week. I was scheduled to stay a couple hours from home while completing my training. Thursday morning around 3am my mother called to tell me that she thought my dad had passed, and I was hours away from home. I called my husband, then fiance and asked him to go to my parents until I could get there. My father passed 5 days and 2 months before our wedding, the wedding we had worked so hard just days before to re plan, just so that he could be there. That was one of the craziest times of my life. I wanted to hold myself together so badly because my poor mother was falling apart. I can not even imagine, the man you have been married to for more than 30 years, have had to provide hands on care for, for more than 20 years, is just gone.  I was about to get married, and my poor husband had to see my continually fall apart, and not caring nearly enough about our wedding. We kept our new wedding date, since we had worked so hard to change it once, we did not change it back. I did not go to graduate school that year, and ultimately decided that, that was not where I needed to be either. So as a result of all of my "failures," I was able to experience some pretty amazing things. The Fall after not being accepted to the Peace Corps I had an amazing opportunity to join my church on a short term mission trip to Guatemala. It was such a great chance to connect with people I may have not otherwise been in touch with, to see another country, and experience another culture. This trip will be forever with me. Also that Fall, by now husband proposed. Which if I would have been accepted to the Peace Corps, and been out of the country for two years, may never have happened. As for the craziness surrounding my wedding, and my father's passing I had been very stressed, and saddened that I had taken a new job to help with my dad's care, and to return to school, neither happened. Looking back, taking this job, and being away from home, allowed for my parents to have a few moments alone in the days leading up to my father's passing. The job I took ultimately filled a gap until I found the position I currently have. I am also very grateful that our wedding happened when it did. By moving everything up six months, my husband and I were given time to adjust, and spend some quality time together before my husband returned to school in the Fall. I have ultimately decided against going to graduate school to obtain a Master's in Social Work. I have been lead to begin taking classes toward a Nursing degree. In many ways I feel as though I have come full circle in all of this, and that all of these events needed to happen exactly as they have for me to be at peace with where I am now. Over the course of this week, one message that has become loud and clear to me is that things need to happen in God's timing, and that if I keep God at my center, he will not lead me astray. So although, my life did not exactly go as I had planned, I am sure this is the way God had seen it. I have felt for a long time that I need to reach people through my own story, and personal experiences. It was never clear to me how this was going to happen, but I am seeing that perhaps this blog will be a good way to do that. I can look back and see how other peoples stories, and knowledge of their journey's have helped me manage my own experiences, or have acted as a guide to work through different times in my own life. I am hopeful that my journey will do the same for others, or plant to seed for others to begin seeking God's will, and timing for their own life. I ran across this image today, which goes right along with my perfect failures, so I thought I should share it as well.