What Lies Ahead

It has been a couple of months since I have posted an update, so that is where I will start. I am not sure if I mentioned it in a previous post of not, but I am back in college part time. Right now I am just taking Anatomy and Physiology, and that is enough. There is a lot to learn, and I am grateful that I can focus my schooling efforts on just this class right now. I am still working as a Social Worker with Older Adults full time, and am taking this class 2 evenings a week. Work has been stressful. I have had a couple of situations over the past month that have been so unbelievingly challenging! I really have gotten to the point with them that I had to give it to God, and pray for the situations to resolve, and for God’s will to be done because I was at a loss. With one situation after praying that, I got good news, and honestly swear I heard angels singing! It was the biggest relief, and eye opener for sure! Along with work and school, my two goals for this year were to become more connected, and be in God’s word, and to RUN. With that being said Ill start with the bad news first. My running has been non-existent in the recent weeks. I have been so unbelievably sick, and unable to breathe going for a run has been out of the question. I have been slightly discouraged, and overwhelmed by the fact that my half marathon is now two weeks away!! My last “long run” was the first weekend in September, and was 9 miles. This week I have pushed a couple of short runs. My last run a couple of days ago was only 3 miles, and my knees were starting to hurt. So  I picked back up some strength training, and am working on my squats and lunges hoping for the best! So with all of that being said, I was getting kind of down on myself, and feeling like I should probably give up. Which brings me to the second goal I had for myself this year. Getting connected, and reading God’s word. I recently joined a cell group (bible studyish), through church and have committed to reading and attending weekly. In reading the study, I am also getting more into the Bible, and praying. I honestly feel so much better. One verse that stood out to me this week was

Philippians 3:12-14 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me...Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. ... I feel like this is a reoccurring theme today.. Looking forward to what is ahead and leaving my discouragement behind.

I also heard a message on Joyce Meyer’s podcast this week, talking about leaving the past behind you and looking forward to what’s ahead. So that message was very clear this week. Another message that was clear this week is that we are not perfect, that we can not do everything all the time, and we can not let stupid things steal our joy. I am so guilty of letting little things steal my joy!!! Bumps in the road, dishes in the sink, not having enough time to do everything, and still have a life! Its often discouraging. I am learning to check my thoughts and feelings though, and remain positive, and not let this crap still my joy! I deserve to be happy period (I have not believed I should be for a while). The first baby step in that for me, is to not let things or people steal my joy. Secondly, I am coming to terms with the fact that I can not do everything all the time! I am tired darnnit, and need to sleep. I also need to take care of my house, pay the bills, work, and eat (which I have not been doing a very good job of). Being an adult is overwhelming sometimes! But I have vowed to take it one step at a time, plan ahead to the best of my ability, and not beat myself up for leaving things unfinished. I am the type of person that has constant lists going of things to do, finish ect. Sometimes it is just not possible to get everything done in a day, and that is OKAY! It is, and I have to let whatever doesn’t get done, or go as planned go, and move on.

Something that was brought to my attention today is how I have sometimes compared myself to other people. Sometimes other people look like they have it all, a nice house, nice car, amazing job, and family. They may take wonderful vacations that I could never afford to go on, and for a split second I may have the thought, I wish I had their life. But do I? Nah, I am pretty happy with my own life at the moment. I am sure some people have looked at me and thought that. Especially on days like today, where I am so happy, and on fire! I can tell you this is not me, not in my own strength! I have been praying a lot that God show me where he wants me, and that his will be done in my life. I honestly feel like it is, and I can not wait to see what is to come. I can also say, that this was not always the case. I have been down dark paths, made bad choices, hung around the wrong crowd of people, let people treatment like garbage and hit rock bottom on more than one occasion. There was a point in my life that I had made so many wrong turns, and felt like so many people were against me, and that I had no friends, I did not want to live anymore. I attempted to take my own life, but did not succeed. (Praise God!) I was reminded of this during a concert I went to tonight. I saw Third Day and it was the most amazing concert I have seen in a long time! But they told a story of how they came to write their song I Need a Miracle. Apprently a fan came up to them at a show, to tell them about how their son had driven out into the woods to take his own life. In the moments before doing so, he turned on the radio, and

could not get any radio stations to come in, except for a Christian one. Which happen to be playing their song Cry out to Jesus, which lyrics say “There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary

Love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing

He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus”

Which is just an amazing story, and these lyrics ring true! Jesus is comfort, love and hope. He saved my life over and over, and is always there when I need him the most. He died for me so that I can live. And at this point I am ready to lay down my life and walk with him. So at the end of the day I am encouraged! I know I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength! That’s about the only way I can do things! And that he has brought me this far, he isn’t going to leave me know. So I hope this was encouraging, and has given you hope!! Cry out to Jesus!!