So I have been feeling like I need to post this picture recently, of me at my heaviest next to a more recent picture of myself. I must say it is not something I have really wanted to do. When I first started losing weight, and getting "healthier" showing others my progress was such a thrill. Such a high five, well done confidence boost I guess you could say. Over the last few weeks I have really come to a new place with weight loss, health and all things associated. I am no longer the person I was in the first picture, however I do not take for granted who that person has allowed me to become today. That person was brave enough to say, "I am sick of not being able to buy clothes at regular stores, and I am going to do something about it." Thats literally where this all started. I wanted to wear something from Hollister, because I couldn't and that was my goal. That and to wear a two piece bathing suit. It almost seems silly now, but when I was 18, it was very real. When I first lost weight it was not in the most healthy way. I will be honest, I didn't really have a clue what I was doing. I ate low fat, no fat, processed food. I went on every fade diet under the sun. I ate so much tuna fish, that to this day I still don't really care for it and lost about 80lbs. I was obsessed with that number on the scale, the size of my clothes, calories, exercise. In a lot of ways I was no better off thin than I was fat mentally. The picture to the right is me at my thinnest, ironically wearing my coveted Hollister shirt. It was this picture that made me say to one of my friends, "Have I gotten too thin?" Was that even possible for a former fat girl? Well it was, and I had gotten too thin. It was around this point I would say I had also gotten a little too confident in my "new body." I probably went off the deep end in more ways than one, but looking back I have learned so much. I have done some really stupid things, made poor choice and ultimately had to deal with the consequences for those choices. I truly believe I am better for it. If you have ever watch the biggest loser, extreme weight loss, or any of those shows you will see that most of the people have bigger problems, and struggles than their weight. For me it all started with someone treating me in a way that made me feel out of control. So from that point on I took control of my life. Mostly in a really crappy way. Instead of someone else taking control over situations that didn't make me feel good about myself, I put myself in situations that didn't make me feel good. In some twisted way it made me feel "better" because I had done it to myself, and made that poor choice. But eventually all those poor choices caught up with me. It was at this point I decided I really needed to put God at the center of my life. I tried my best to get involved with church groups, volunteer, and spend my time being productive. In a lot of ways I became a super conservative introvert. It really wasn't until probably the past year or so that I finally have felt like "myself" again. My husband and his family basically broke my overly conservative introverted ways. Which I am not upset about at all. I feel like I am really moving in a positive direction. About six months ago I started running again. Which is when I started writing this blog as well so you can read back and see how a lot of it has played out. A trainer at my gym kept talking about how she was running a half marathon, and I thought to myself, if you don't do it now you are never going to. So I signed up, started training, and actually completed two! When I started running I had a lot of time alone, to think. I started using that time to pray, and listen to sermons on iTunes. As strange as it may sound I felt and still feel like God is calling me to run. It has given me so many opportunities to talk to people, tell them my story, and share God's word. In ways that I could not have dreamed. I have made new friends, and have committed to do things that just a few months ago seemed so far out of reach. I think maybe before all the running I was in this weird stand still place, not really sure where I was going, or what I was doing. Just stuck in a routine with no direction. Now I am starting to feel like things have purpose again. I am still not 100% where I am going, but I am 100% that I will get there when the time is right. I just ran my first race of the year yesterday and it was the jumpstart I needed to get my motivation back. I was able to tell my story yet again, and the woman that I spoke with asked me to contact her to talk further. We will just have to see how that plays out. I have to admit that I am also excited that I have become a lot of people's friend that runs, and healthy living go to person. It is really something I love, and continue to grow in. On that note Im going to wrap this up. Thank you for reading, it was a challenging post, but I am hopeful that it had something in it that someone needed, and can motivate, and help you on your journey!
No comments:
Post a Comment