Unexplainable Peace

God has really been speaking to me today, and making me very aware of some of the gifts I do have. I must say, I often just considered myself a weird-o, and not gifted. I guess that can be left up for debate... So today it was mentioned how people being sick and approaching their last days can often times be a time of the people around them to learn, grow and draw closer to the Lord. I can see this in many ways. There are a lot of people that struggle with the thought of sickness, or a loved one dying. To some extent I guess I have had those emotions too. However, through God's amazing grace I have been granted an unexplainable peace regarding this subject. I am not afraid to die. I am not afraid because I know that my time here on this earth is just a moment, and this is not my permanent home. When I die I will be in Heaven, with those that have gone before me. The body that I lived in will be here, and I will have a new spiritual body in Heaven, with no pain, and no imperfections. Jesus died for me, and because I have accepted him into my life, my spirit will not die with my body. Death can be beautiful. I mean that in the most non-morbid way.

There was a time in my life, that I was so depressed, so over life, that I wanted nothing more for myself to be gone. To be dead, and had tried to take my own life. That is not what I am talking about here. Let me digress for a moment. I was reminded today, that there are people fighting secret battles within themselves. Fighting against negative thoughts, secrets, shame, judgment, whatever it may be. They fight these battles, alone, in private, and often times do a wonderful job at putting on a smile and never letting anyone find out they are hurting inside. I have been there, I have done that. It's hard, I definitely know. I struggled my own secret battles for a long time. But peace is available in healing. Working through whatever those secret battles are. Acknowledging that you need forgiveness, or need to forgive, running arms opened wide into the arms of Jesus, he is waiting if you are willing. I laid all of my burdens at his feet, have been forgiven, and have been granted an amazing peace that I literally cannot explain. We sang a song in church this morning, with the lyrics, "I’m forgiven, because you were forsaken. I’m accepted, you were condemned. I’m alive and well your spirit is within me, because you died and rose again. Amazing love, how can it be, that you my king would die for me. Amazing love I know its true, and its my joy to honor you, in all I do, I honor you." This song was one that I kept in my heart during my struggles and battles as a teenager. That and "Come home running, His arms are open wide, His name is Jesus, He understands. He is the answer You are looking for, So come home running Just as you are." Both of these song were given to me during pretty dark times in my life. But again, I was given the strength to over come these times. I have come to an entirely new place in my life, a place where I can look back and say, Yes I have struggled, but I have learned. I have been able to let it all go, and give it back to God. Lay my imperfections at his feet. I now stand on a solid foundation of Jesus, and have said, "Here I am, Lord. Use me!" And he has and does everyday. I have seen over the past couple of weeks how God has put people right in my path to talk to, and tell my story to. It literally blows my mind on numerous levels how many people willing tell me intimate details of their life with having only met them for a few moments. I can remember the first time this happened a few years ago, and thinking.  What is going on here? This person just told me some crazy stuff that I was not prepared to hear! However, as time went on I started seeing a pattern. The people that were talking to me had similar stories as mine. Had struggled with depression, or weight, or having to take care of a family member. It all started to make sense. Even though I chose the hard road, it is ultimately bringing me back to where I need to be, and God is getting the glory. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” So that is where I am today… Back to where I was previously going. So with all of that being said, I can see how God has allowed me on many occasions, to be the calm to the storm for others. Especially with my father’s passing. As hard as that was on me, I was able to hold it together, and get done what needed to be done, by no explanation of my own. That time in my life really took the fear out of dying for me. It took away the questions. My dad was sick, and in pain, and as hard as it was to let him go, he was ready and it was his time. God has perfect timing. I trust that, and have seen it play out numerous times in my life. So if God takes me home, or keeps me here for many years there is a reason, and I trust that. I can say that the one time I tried to play God and take my own life he kept me around. I am grateful for that, and also know it is not my place to play God ever again.

Someone once told me I have the gift of tears. I’m not sure if that is a gift or not, but I sure cry a lot, about everything. Happy, sad, excited, mad, there is most likely going to be tears. I’ve also been told my tears offer comfort and hope. Not that I can change it, but I will cry on! I have been blessed. In so many ways and on so many levels. I hope that there is someone that is encouraged by this. You are not alone! If you are struggling, and need help, or have things you need to get off your chest, reach out to someone, someone you can trust and that will be encouraging! Don’t be afraid. If you are in need of grace, strength and love, Cry out to Jesus. Here are some more song lyrics from Third Day, “There is hope for the help less, Rest for the weary, Love for the broken heart. There is grace and forgiveness, Mercy and healing He'll meet you wherever you are. Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus”

A verse that was given to me a while ago was Philippians 1:6, which says (The Living Bible) “And I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns.” So keep trusting, God didn’t bring you this far to leave you. Although there are still sometimes I think to myself, okay God I know I said send me, but are you sure I’m ready, are you sure you want me? Take the leap of faith, here we go!