I started a post last week about letting go of running this marathon I had been going around in circles about. Once I finally tried to change my entry I found out that it was going to cost me the same amount of money to downgrade as it was to initially register, and needless to say I don't want to spend that kind of money.. So I'm in a whole new place with that. This week has been a huge wake up call, and learning experience for a number of reasons. For the past couple of months I had been half hearted following an autoimmune protocol to help my MS. In the 12 years I have had this disease it has not really affected me much. I often thinking and say how amazing it is that I am doing so well, but take it for granted regularly. Recently I have been stressed with work, and contemplating running this marathon. I haven't been eating right, with the excuse that I'm doing so well, maybe my diet isn't that big of a deal. I was starting to not feel so good recently, but not enough to stop what I was doing. Until this week. It's sometimes hard to explain to people that I am sick, when I am up walking around completing normal day to day tasks. But I have been sick! This week my hands, feet and lips were completely numb. I have had stabbing pains in my leg. I've been dizzy, nauseous, and so exhausted that making something to eat for myself was a struggle that required breaks. I had a dream that I was paralyzed and woke up screaming for my husband to help. It was pretty terrifying. I watched my father become paralyzed from MS, and see this on a regular basis with my job. I am not the type of person that is going to lay down and take pity on myself because I have a chronic disease. However I do understand why people do, and become depressed. Ending up in a wheelchair, may be in my future, or it may not... That is something I don't know right now. However, this week has really made me realize how precious everyday is. Regardless if I have MS or not. Freak accidents happen, life happens, and tomorrow is not promised. I need to take the best care of this body I have, and thank God for every day that I am breathing. I want to do the most with my days, to educate myself, and help others. However, there comes a point where you need to rest.
I do a lot of reading (and audio reading), because I love to learn, think and be challenged. Ive recently been reading the book of Genesis. In Chapter two it discusses how God RESTED from ALL the work. How often does this happen in our lives? For myself not very often, and when it does I feel guilty. We live in this world where time is money, and money is power. Where we are constantly trying to climb this unachievable ladder. Where we are doing everything for everyone, and having to say no, or give something up means failure. For myself I am task and detail oriented, TO THE EXTREME! I am learning how controlling I am, and that it is not necessarily a good thing. However I know I am not the only one. Most days I roll out of bed and work all day, probably a little later than I should with little or no breaks, or time to eat. Then I rush to workout, back home to finish up things around the house, eat dinner while doing the dishes, prep food for the next day, sit down to relax, and remember things I forgot, or emails/work things I should do really quick or make a note to do the next day... Relaxing never happens... The weekend rolls around, and I try to catch up on all the things I missed during the week, grocery shopping, laundry, bills, bathing the dog... So an entire day of rest to lay in my jammies, and read a book and take a nap never seems to happen. This is our normal. I see it all the time, in the world around me. That when our bodies become so run down, and we get sick, we want the fastest solution, or drug to take it away so we can return to our INSANELY over scheduled lives without missing a beat. This has become such the norm, that companies are now offering a service that allows you to skype or phone a physician that can diagnose your illness without having to ever leave the office, and order a prescription to your nearest pharmacy. WHAT?!? Since when did we stop listening to our bodies, or taking care of them? They were designed, and created to be so amazing, heal themselves, maintain balance, and protect us. From our hair and fingernails, to the membranes and organelles inside our cells. They all work together for a purpose. The vitamins, minerals, plants and animals that are on this earth were created to allow our bodies to run optimally, yet the majority of us eat little to produce.... Think about that for a minute? We get frustrated at our bodies for letting us down, yet we let our bodies down on a regular basis. I know I need to sleep more, and me a better steward of this amazing body I have been given. I am realizing that I don't need to be everything to everyone. What I need is to continue to seek God, and his purpose, and remember to serve him first and not others or myself... Its a process that is for sure! I will continue to make an effort to sleep, rest, and reflect to make sure that I am trusting the Lord with all my heart so that he is able to keep my path straight. <3
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