It's Been 1 Year

It was a year ago this Memorial Day that I started a quest to heal myself with food. At that time, I had chronic headaches that no one could seem to find a cause for. Our family had been driving back from a trip and I started watching documentaries on Netflix. I stumbled across Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. If you haven’t watched it you should!! I bought a juicer immediately when we got home, and juiced everything! I started researching holistic healing and nutrition, read watched, and listened to everything and anything I could get my hands on about nutrition. My family literally wanted to throw things at me because this was all I could talk about and was completely enthralled by all of the information available. I also found a Dr that complete allergy testing on me, and found the culprit to my headaches! GLUTEN! I to some extent knew breading on foods gave me headaches. Such as chicken, or fried fish, and had learned to avoid these foods over the years. Yet since gluten is in the majority of all processed foods, from chocolate chips, licorice, to tomato soup, its hard to know specifically know what food is triggering your symptoms. After more than 2 months of a headache that would not go away, I was happy to say goodbye to gluten! I can also say I rarely get headaches at all anymore. For as long as I can remember I would get headaches or migranes at least a couple of times a week, and now its been months.

Over the past year I have gained so much knowledge! Not only about gluten sensitivity, but about auto-immune disease, healing your cells from the inside out, vitamins, minerals, fat, carb, protein ratios, fermented foods, leaky gut, inflammation, and the list goes on! I have found myself on a new quest, with a couple of goals. First I want to heal my body from the inside out of Multiple Sclerosis, two NO MORE MEDICATION! I have been injecting myself with immune suppressant drugs for the past 12 years, and taking stimulants for the past year, and I am over it! I also want to help educate others and keep learning! There really is so much information available it could make your head explode!

Recently I read (listened to an audiobook), Dr. Teri Wahl’s book, Wahl’s Protocol. If you have not heard this woman’s story google her, she is amazing. In short she had chronic progressive MS, and went from being wheelchair bound to walking and riding a bike using paleo principles to heal herself. The book is amazing to say the least. It really breaks down what to do, how to do it, and the science behind it. I have been doing my best at the diet for a couple of weeks. I have eaten so many green vegetables, and produce its unbelievable! I am hopeful that I will continue to get better, and this will become easier. I have made fermented dishes twice including saukraut, which I had never eaten in my life! I am drinking kombucha, and have even made chicken liver! Its definitely new territory for me! I am also starting to use essential oils. I used tea tree oil on my sunburn, and have been putting lavendar and lemon on my head and feet to help me sleep at night. Its working! I am slightly amazed at how well its working, but I am really excited! As I get my eating a little more regulated, I am starting to look at beauty products, and household cleaners I use and the chemical impact its having. I started using natural deodorant, and have started to do some research on sunscreen. Although I don’t have all the answers on this topic, I will say that it disturbed me to read that the sunscreen I had been using absorbs into the skin to change how the chemical reactions of the UV rays that are absorbed. It changes our bodies normal chemical reaction? Ick, so many other questions, and so much more to discover and learn!

I want to end with a couple of things. For those of you that are thinking, glutens bad, dairies bad, chemicals, processed food, and everything else is going to kill me, who cares! I just want to say  you have to keep it all in perspective, based on is importance to you. For me nutrition, minimizing toxins, and eliminating build up is important for me to achieve my goals. For you it may not be. However, I would encourage you to be aware of what you are putting in your mouth, and on your skin, or exposing your home to as opposed to blinding doing things. Make an educated choice. Making changes is not easy, and can be expensive, and time consuming. Just make educated choices, keeping goals, finances and your personal factors in mind.

Secondly, everyone is on a different journey. I can see how the fact that I have MS, and am a former fat kid is a HUGE part of who I am. If it weren’t for these two huge factors I literally have no idea what my life would look like, or what my interests would be. Your story may be vastly different, or the same. Either is okay, I am going to keep sharing my story to be an inspiration, and educate others with what Ive learned!

With all of that being said, I am hopeful that I can re-prioritize some things this summer, and make regular blogging one of them. There have been so many times I have thought, I should write this down, and haven’t. Im going to start! Happy Summer (2^nd day!)!!

Unexplainable Peace

God has really been speaking to me today, and making me very aware of some of the gifts I do have. I must say, I often just considered myself a weird-o, and not gifted. I guess that can be left up for debate... So today it was mentioned how people being sick and approaching their last days can often times be a time of the people around them to learn, grow and draw closer to the Lord. I can see this in many ways. There are a lot of people that struggle with the thought of sickness, or a loved one dying. To some extent I guess I have had those emotions too. However, through God's amazing grace I have been granted an unexplainable peace regarding this subject. I am not afraid to die. I am not afraid because I know that my time here on this earth is just a moment, and this is not my permanent home. When I die I will be in Heaven, with those that have gone before me. The body that I lived in will be here, and I will have a new spiritual body in Heaven, with no pain, and no imperfections. Jesus died for me, and because I have accepted him into my life, my spirit will not die with my body. Death can be beautiful. I mean that in the most non-morbid way.

There was a time in my life, that I was so depressed, so over life, that I wanted nothing more for myself to be gone. To be dead, and had tried to take my own life. That is not what I am talking about here. Let me digress for a moment. I was reminded today, that there are people fighting secret battles within themselves. Fighting against negative thoughts, secrets, shame, judgment, whatever it may be. They fight these battles, alone, in private, and often times do a wonderful job at putting on a smile and never letting anyone find out they are hurting inside. I have been there, I have done that. It's hard, I definitely know. I struggled my own secret battles for a long time. But peace is available in healing. Working through whatever those secret battles are. Acknowledging that you need forgiveness, or need to forgive, running arms opened wide into the arms of Jesus, he is waiting if you are willing. I laid all of my burdens at his feet, have been forgiven, and have been granted an amazing peace that I literally cannot explain. We sang a song in church this morning, with the lyrics, "I’m forgiven, because you were forsaken. I’m accepted, you were condemned. I’m alive and well your spirit is within me, because you died and rose again. Amazing love, how can it be, that you my king would die for me. Amazing love I know its true, and its my joy to honor you, in all I do, I honor you." This song was one that I kept in my heart during my struggles and battles as a teenager. That and "Come home running, His arms are open wide, His name is Jesus, He understands. He is the answer You are looking for, So come home running Just as you are." Both of these song were given to me during pretty dark times in my life. But again, I was given the strength to over come these times. I have come to an entirely new place in my life, a place where I can look back and say, Yes I have struggled, but I have learned. I have been able to let it all go, and give it back to God. Lay my imperfections at his feet. I now stand on a solid foundation of Jesus, and have said, "Here I am, Lord. Use me!" And he has and does everyday. I have seen over the past couple of weeks how God has put people right in my path to talk to, and tell my story to. It literally blows my mind on numerous levels how many people willing tell me intimate details of their life with having only met them for a few moments. I can remember the first time this happened a few years ago, and thinking.  What is going on here? This person just told me some crazy stuff that I was not prepared to hear! However, as time went on I started seeing a pattern. The people that were talking to me had similar stories as mine. Had struggled with depression, or weight, or having to take care of a family member. It all started to make sense. Even though I chose the hard road, it is ultimately bringing me back to where I need to be, and God is getting the glory. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” So that is where I am today… Back to where I was previously going. So with all of that being said, I can see how God has allowed me on many occasions, to be the calm to the storm for others. Especially with my father’s passing. As hard as that was on me, I was able to hold it together, and get done what needed to be done, by no explanation of my own. That time in my life really took the fear out of dying for me. It took away the questions. My dad was sick, and in pain, and as hard as it was to let him go, he was ready and it was his time. God has perfect timing. I trust that, and have seen it play out numerous times in my life. So if God takes me home, or keeps me here for many years there is a reason, and I trust that. I can say that the one time I tried to play God and take my own life he kept me around. I am grateful for that, and also know it is not my place to play God ever again.

Someone once told me I have the gift of tears. I’m not sure if that is a gift or not, but I sure cry a lot, about everything. Happy, sad, excited, mad, there is most likely going to be tears. I’ve also been told my tears offer comfort and hope. Not that I can change it, but I will cry on! I have been blessed. In so many ways and on so many levels. I hope that there is someone that is encouraged by this. You are not alone! If you are struggling, and need help, or have things you need to get off your chest, reach out to someone, someone you can trust and that will be encouraging! Don’t be afraid. If you are in need of grace, strength and love, Cry out to Jesus. Here are some more song lyrics from Third Day, “There is hope for the help less, Rest for the weary, Love for the broken heart. There is grace and forgiveness, Mercy and healing He'll meet you wherever you are. Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus”

A verse that was given to me a while ago was Philippians 1:6, which says (The Living Bible) “And I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns.” So keep trusting, God didn’t bring you this far to leave you. Although there are still sometimes I think to myself, okay God I know I said send me, but are you sure I’m ready, are you sure you want me? Take the leap of faith, here we go!

Sometimes you have to look back to move forward.

So I have been feeling like I need to post this picture recently, of me at my heaviest next to a more recent picture of myself.  I must say it is not something I have really wanted to do. When I first started losing weight, and getting "healthier" showing others my progress was such a thrill. Such a high five, well done confidence boost I guess you could say. Over the last few weeks I have really come to a new place with weight loss, health and all things associated. I am  no longer the person I was in the first picture, however I do not take for granted who that person has allowed me to become today. That person was brave enough to say, "I am sick of not being able to buy clothes at regular stores, and I am going to do something about it." Thats literally where this all started. I wanted to wear something from Hollister, because I couldn't and that was my goal. That and to wear a two piece bathing suit. It almost seems silly now, but when I was 18, it was very real. When I first lost weight it was not in the most healthy way. I will be honest, I didn't really have a clue what I was doing. I ate low fat, no fat, processed food. I went on every fade diet under the sun. I ate so much tuna fish, that to this day I still don't really care for it and lost about 80lbs.  I was obsessed with that number on the scale, the size of my clothes, calories, exercise. In a lot of ways I was no better off thin than I was fat mentally. The picture to the right is me at my thinnest, ironically wearing my coveted Hollister shirt. It was this picture that made me say to one of my friends, "Have I gotten too thin?" Was that even possible for a former fat girl? Well it was, and I had gotten too thin. It was around this point I would say I had also gotten a little too confident in my "new body." I probably went off the deep end in more ways than one, but looking back I have learned so much. I have done some really stupid things, made poor choice and ultimately had to deal with the consequences for those choices. I truly believe I am better for it. If you have ever watch the biggest loser, extreme weight loss, or any of those shows you will see that most of the people have bigger problems, and struggles than their weight. For me it all started with someone treating me in a way that made me feel out of control. So from that point on I took control of my life. Mostly in a really crappy way. Instead of someone else taking control over situations that didn't make me feel good about myself, I put myself in situations that didn't make me feel good. In some twisted way it made me feel "better" because I had done it to myself, and made that poor choice. But eventually all those poor choices caught up with me. It was at this point I decided I really needed to put God at the center of my life. I tried my best to get involved with church groups, volunteer, and spend my time being productive. In a lot of ways I became a super conservative introvert. It really wasn't until probably the past year or so that I finally have felt like "myself" again. My husband and his family basically broke my overly conservative introverted ways. Which I am not upset about at all. I feel like I am really moving in a positive direction. About six months ago I started running again. Which is when I started writing this blog as well so you can read back and see how a lot of it has played out. A trainer at my gym kept talking about how she was running a half marathon, and I thought to myself, if you don't do it now you are never going to. So I signed up, started training, and actually completed two! When I started running I had a lot of time alone, to think. I started using that time to pray, and listen to sermons on iTunes. As strange as it may sound I felt and still feel like God is calling me to run. It has given me so many opportunities to talk to people, tell them my story, and share God's word. In ways that I could not have dreamed. I have made new friends, and have committed to do things that just a few months ago seemed so far out of reach. I think maybe before all the running I was in this weird stand still place, not really sure where I was going, or what I was doing. Just stuck in a routine with no direction. Now I am starting to feel like things have purpose again. I am still not 100% where I am going, but I am 100% that I will get there when the time is right. I just ran my first race of the year yesterday and it was the jumpstart I needed to get my motivation back. I was able to tell my story yet again, and the woman that I spoke with asked me to contact her to talk further. We will just have to see how that plays out. I have to admit that I am also excited that I have become a lot of people's  friend that runs, and healthy living go to person. It is really something I love, and continue to grow in. On that note Im going to wrap this up. Thank you for reading, it was a challenging post, but I am hopeful that it had something in it that someone needed, and can motivate, and help you on your journey!

Its a New Year!

It is almost a full week into the new year, and I am feeling refreshed and blessed. I had been working and going to school like a crazy person for a few months, and having a few weeks off to relax, rest, get my house organized and catch up on some reading was very nice. The ending of one year and starting a new always makes me think back to where I was a year ago, and things that happened in the past year. 2013 was a bit of a strange year for myself, and my husband. We started the year off by paying off a car, and feeling very prepared for what was to come to having to buy a new car, and feeling like money draining events are never going to quit :(. Our entire family had a whole slew of health concerns, from cancer scares, to MS flares, a the craziest cold I have ever experienced. But 2013 wasn't all bad. My husband and I both got back on the healthy track. He has lost 40 lbs I believe, and I have lost 20. We completed 3 mud runs, and I completed 2 half marathons. All in all it was a life changing year. When I say life changing I mean, all of the runs, and information I have learned about eating healthy and taking care of my body there is no way I will look at things the same. It has also made me want to continue to improve, and set goals, and also look at how far I have come. Just 8 or 9 years ago (wow that feels like a long time), I was 212 lbs, overweight, unhappy, and in a not so pleasant place. I was on the road to recovering from a traumatic event, and coping in some not so healthy ways. I threw myself at some terrible relationships, drinking, and other not so fun things. I started losing weight but had a long way to go. Since then, I have really come a long way, and I honestly can't thank God enough for getting me far  away from those thoughts, feelings, people and places. I  heard a sermon over the weekend based around Joshua 1 and Deuteronomy 34:5-8. It touched on Trauma, holding patterns in life, and finally getting out of those holding patterns (or getting unstuck). The Four main points for getting unstuck were Heal, Listen, Prepare, and Take a Step. I can look back and see how in many ways 2013 was that leap of faith year. I can also see how I got myself into holding patterns that needed to get unstuck. Falling into lazy, less than perfect habits that need to be cleaned up and tweaked a bit. Moving into 2014 my husband and I have done a couple of things, started a weekly savings plan to save 1 dollar per week, that will increase in value by corresponding with the week of the year. So the first week of the year $1, the second week $2. We are currently working the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Program the best that we can, by saving, paying cash, using the envelope system, and paying off debt, but this is a little booster. My husband and I also created bucket lists. But not just any bucket list, we created buckets lined with clothes pins that have our goals written on them. We each have one for ourselves, and collaberated on one for our family. As we complete the tasks we can put the pins in the bucket. Two of mine that I will be completing this year (unless something unforeseen happens) are completing a sprint triathlon, and running a marathon. I am pretty excited for both. At the beginning of my journey when I had the thought that I would like to run a marathon someday, I never thought I would be 27 doing it (as in I feel too young). This past year has brought great things into my life though. People that have inspired me, and people that have told me I inspire them (which is pretty awesome). With that being said I feel like this year will be bigger than last, and I will have an opportunity to continue to connect with others. It is a great feeling to grow, and learn and become the best version of myself. For anyone that is reading, I challenge you to do something that would inspire someone else. Think about one person that had a positive impact on you (maybe they didn't even know it), and what that impact caused you to do. In an effort to pay it forward, what can you do to positively impact someone else? A smile, putting money in an over due parking meter, paying for someones meal behind you at a drive thru, running for charity, or fitness. Everything you do, everything I do has an effect, positively or negatively. Just like Galatians 6:7 says, we reap what we sow. Also people are watching us, whether we acknowledge that or not, they are. What we say, how we act, and what we do. How do you want to be seen this year? I know I hope that it is in a positive and inspiration light! Happy New Year!

Detroit Half Marathon... My first 13.1!!

So last week was finally the big week for my first half marathon. It was kind of crazy! The entire week, I closely read over the race guidelines, where to pick my packet up, what I would need to bring, where I would need to go, when the roads would start to shut down, where the water and pit stops were, what the course looked like ect. Since this was an international race that involved crossing from Michigan to Canada, and back my biggest concern was getting stopped at the border. The materials for the race cautioned runners on carrying liquids across the border. I have a hydration belt that I bought at the beginning of my training that fit my passport, and GU packs that I was planning on bringing, and did ultimately. As the days leading up to the marathon got closer, my nerves set in. I had been sick for about 6 weeks leading up to the race, and my training was cut short. The longest I run I had gotten up to was 9 miles prior to race day. I had done a few 6-mile runs in the couple of weeks leading up to it. Along with circuit classes a few times a week. I had read that strength training is good for endurance and injury prevention, and I have to believe it is true with how the race actually went! So two days prior to race day I ventured to downtown Detroit, to pick up my race packet. I went alone, which was fine. I enjoying doing things on my own. It also allows me to wander, take my time, and talk to random people. (I know I should use caution with this, and I do, don’t worry!!) So I get to the Health Expo to collect my packet. I wander around looking at all the gear, and food, and promoters for upcoming races. I stumbled upon one booth for 3:16 athletic wear. Which I have seen online before. They sell dri-tech clothing with bible scriptures on them. On any normal day, I would have never bought anything from them, (because I am WAY to cheap), but something caught my eye. There was a shirt that had the verse 40:31 on it. Which if you are not familiar with it, says, “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Which was one of the verses my mom would say over and over while my dad was sick before he passed. It may have been in his memorial card thing (whatever they are officially called), as well. I talked to the man in the booth for a few minutes, and told him my story, and why this verse had meant so much. He told me a few stories as well, and that he was 5-time iron man competitor, and that his family had volunteered for the relief stations at some iron man events. The one thing he said, that keeps playing in my mind is that during these events participants become so physically and mentally exhausted that sometimes all that’s left is God. I would soon have a little taste of what that was like. So fast-forward 2 days. Sunday (way too earlier in the morning), my husband is driving us downtown to race. (I raced alone, but he was an amazing supporter). I am being my spastic self, messing with the radio, listening to Gospel chorus, and ghetto rap music in bumper-to-bumper traffic. My husband is calm as a calm, and I am trying not to pay attention to the traffic. But in all of the cars around us are people in their running gear, and cars displaying stickers of running distance and achievement. I point and yell, RUNNERS! Yay! My husband shakes his head. So we finally get through the traffic, and park. It is still pitch black, and freezing! We walk to the corrals, and ALLL the way to the end where I was starting. I was one of the last waves because of my slow pace time. So they announce that we need to line up, and I give my hubby my outer sweats, and one last hug before I line up. He looks at me and says, “Don’t cry.” I look back and say, “I’m not gonna cry, this is a run, I wont get emotional.” So as I line up and wait the 20 minutes to run, I am looking all around me, taking everything in. There are so many people, so many conversations, and lots of tall buildings. As I got closer to the starting line and could finally see the countdown for our wave to go, I got a little teary eyed… No tears though! So the first few miles were pretty cool. There were lots of people holding signs, and cheering on their friends and family. As I approached the Ambassador Bridge there were lots of border patrol, and cars waiting to cross the boarder. A lot of them honked and waved, and cheered as the runners passed. Mile 3 on the bridge! This mile was far less scary than I had anticipated. On a normal basis, I hate crossing bridges in the car. But this was surprisingly okay. The water looked beautiful as the sun was coming up. I didn’t get too close to the sides, and crossed with ease. While in Canada there were bands, and radio stations playing music. There was also another amazing view of the water, and the Detroit skyline. As I kept running, I thought I am really doing this, this is amazing.. So as I approached mile 7, the underwater mile back to Michigan a woman began running along side of me. She said, “This is so awesome, I haven’t stopped running this whole time. I think Im going to slow my pace in the tunnel.” I turned to her and asked, what heat were you in. It was a heat that released a few waves ahead of me. At that point I knew I was doing well, and was going to finish under my goal time of 3 hours. I had started after this woman, and had taken a 10-15 minute potty break because the lines were so long, and walked a little, and we were in the same place. So now I am in the tunnel, it is hot, and gross, and honestly creepier than being above the water. I literally just prayed throughout this whole stretch, and ran as fast as my legs would take me. I could not have gotten out of their fast enough. While I was running I noticed the back of someone else’s shirt. It told the story of how she had lost weight, and trained and was here. I congratulated her on her accomplishment as I passed. I thought, we all have a story, and run for a reason. Once I got to the other side, I could breathe, and I was over half way done!! In the next few miles, there seemed to be an eerie silence. Crowds of runners were getting tired, and all the shouts of excitement, and family members with signs had grown strangely dim. As we hit mile 10, I shouted to the half marathoners, we only have a 5k left, let’s finish strong… This energy quickly diminished as I pushed on. Just after mile 11 I could hear a group of men talking to each other. One of them was hitting their wall, and wanting to give up. His friends encouraged him that they were almost done, and he couldn’t quit now. As I passed them, one of them read the verse on the back of my shirt. And repeated, “we will run and not grow weary.” I turned around and cheered them on, and said God give us strength! I prayed a lot during this race, and asked for strength to push on. I gave thanks for the ability to be able to run, and the blessings of all of my family and friends that had supported me throughout it all. At mile 12, I started to realize that I should have ingested another gel pack, but knew I was so close to the end that there would be real food, and didn’t want to take one. I pushed on. I could see the final divider that split the full marathoners from the half marathoners, to the 13-mile finish. Once I turned the last corner, I could see the finish line, and all of the balloons. I told myself, just keep running, but my legs were so tired. For a brief second, I slowed to a walk, and someone in crowd shouted, “You’re gonna walk now, the finish is right there. Keep running!” So I gathered what energy was left and sprinted toward the finish. I finally made it! 13.1 freaking miles! As I finished, we were handed tin foil looking cover-ups, along with food! I heard my husband call my name. I walked to him and gave him a hug over the barricade. It was such an amazing moment! All the doubt, and worry, and nervousness were gone. I was tired, hungry and cold! The only thing left was the strength God had given me and the love of my husband. It was an amazing feeling. It was something I would do everyday if I could! It was such an awesome experience, and I can not wait to do it again!! So this is the story of my first long run. With lots more to come! I have already signed up for another one in a couple of weeks. The joy and excitement that this run gave me, is hard to explain, or put into words. But it is definitely something I can not wait to experience again!

What Lies Ahead

It has been a couple of months since I have posted an update, so that is where I will start. I am not sure if I mentioned it in a previous post of not, but I am back in college part time. Right now I am just taking Anatomy and Physiology, and that is enough. There is a lot to learn, and I am grateful that I can focus my schooling efforts on just this class right now. I am still working as a Social Worker with Older Adults full time, and am taking this class 2 evenings a week. Work has been stressful. I have had a couple of situations over the past month that have been so unbelievingly challenging! I really have gotten to the point with them that I had to give it to God, and pray for the situations to resolve, and for God’s will to be done because I was at a loss. With one situation after praying that, I got good news, and honestly swear I heard angels singing! It was the biggest relief, and eye opener for sure! Along with work and school, my two goals for this year were to become more connected, and be in God’s word, and to RUN. With that being said Ill start with the bad news first. My running has been non-existent in the recent weeks. I have been so unbelievably sick, and unable to breathe going for a run has been out of the question. I have been slightly discouraged, and overwhelmed by the fact that my half marathon is now two weeks away!! My last “long run” was the first weekend in September, and was 9 miles. This week I have pushed a couple of short runs. My last run a couple of days ago was only 3 miles, and my knees were starting to hurt. So  I picked back up some strength training, and am working on my squats and lunges hoping for the best! So with all of that being said, I was getting kind of down on myself, and feeling like I should probably give up. Which brings me to the second goal I had for myself this year. Getting connected, and reading God’s word. I recently joined a cell group (bible studyish), through church and have committed to reading and attending weekly. In reading the study, I am also getting more into the Bible, and praying. I honestly feel so much better. One verse that stood out to me this week was

Philippians 3:12-14 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me...Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. ... I feel like this is a reoccurring theme today.. Looking forward to what is ahead and leaving my discouragement behind.

I also heard a message on Joyce Meyer’s podcast this week, talking about leaving the past behind you and looking forward to what’s ahead. So that message was very clear this week. Another message that was clear this week is that we are not perfect, that we can not do everything all the time, and we can not let stupid things steal our joy. I am so guilty of letting little things steal my joy!!! Bumps in the road, dishes in the sink, not having enough time to do everything, and still have a life! Its often discouraging. I am learning to check my thoughts and feelings though, and remain positive, and not let this crap still my joy! I deserve to be happy period (I have not believed I should be for a while). The first baby step in that for me, is to not let things or people steal my joy. Secondly, I am coming to terms with the fact that I can not do everything all the time! I am tired darnnit, and need to sleep. I also need to take care of my house, pay the bills, work, and eat (which I have not been doing a very good job of). Being an adult is overwhelming sometimes! But I have vowed to take it one step at a time, plan ahead to the best of my ability, and not beat myself up for leaving things unfinished. I am the type of person that has constant lists going of things to do, finish ect. Sometimes it is just not possible to get everything done in a day, and that is OKAY! It is, and I have to let whatever doesn’t get done, or go as planned go, and move on.

Something that was brought to my attention today is how I have sometimes compared myself to other people. Sometimes other people look like they have it all, a nice house, nice car, amazing job, and family. They may take wonderful vacations that I could never afford to go on, and for a split second I may have the thought, I wish I had their life. But do I? Nah, I am pretty happy with my own life at the moment. I am sure some people have looked at me and thought that. Especially on days like today, where I am so happy, and on fire! I can tell you this is not me, not in my own strength! I have been praying a lot that God show me where he wants me, and that his will be done in my life. I honestly feel like it is, and I can not wait to see what is to come. I can also say, that this was not always the case. I have been down dark paths, made bad choices, hung around the wrong crowd of people, let people treatment like garbage and hit rock bottom on more than one occasion. There was a point in my life that I had made so many wrong turns, and felt like so many people were against me, and that I had no friends, I did not want to live anymore. I attempted to take my own life, but did not succeed. (Praise God!) I was reminded of this during a concert I went to tonight. I saw Third Day and it was the most amazing concert I have seen in a long time! But they told a story of how they came to write their song I Need a Miracle. Apprently a fan came up to them at a show, to tell them about how their son had driven out into the woods to take his own life. In the moments before doing so, he turned on the radio, and

could not get any radio stations to come in, except for a Christian one. Which happen to be playing their song Cry out to Jesus, which lyrics say “There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary

Love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing

He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus”

Which is just an amazing story, and these lyrics ring true! Jesus is comfort, love and hope. He saved my life over and over, and is always there when I need him the most. He died for me so that I can live. And at this point I am ready to lay down my life and walk with him. So at the end of the day I am encouraged! I know I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength! That’s about the only way I can do things! And that he has brought me this far, he isn’t going to leave me know. So I hope this was encouraging, and has given you hope!! Cry out to Jesus!!

Life Is A Balancing Act

I have been wanting to write a new post, but have been so busy the past few weeks. Where do I begin? Work has been pretty awesome lately! I have gotten a few opportunities to attend some trainings, and obtain certifications in areas that I am currently working in. I am already using some of the information and techniques I have learned. I really can't wait to continue using this information, and to begin doing caregiver trainings! Being away from home, and having to prepare food, and workouts in advance definitely took a little time. I prepped and packed all my meals  and brought them with me while I was out of town. It was kind of a pain to make breakfast, lunch and dinner, but I was pretty happy to have the food I was used to while I was gone. The crappy part was that breakfast and lunch were provided at the trainings, but because of my lovely gluten allergy, I couldn't really eat them. :( But it was okay, I came prepared, I ate healthy, didn't get sick, and saved money!! Also, prior to leaving for my trainings I did a little google searching to find a local track to run on. I was super proud of myself for being so prepared! That was until I got to the track and the school's track team was practicing. So I downloaded one of those fancy gps, running apps on my phone and tracked my miles. I was not defeated! Something that almost defeated me prior to going on my trip, was that my car died on me for about the 7th time :((.. Not that this is ever a convenient, but it is even less convenient when you are a community based social worker that does home visits. Almost every time the car had died on me I was working, twice I was meeting with patients.. So needless to say, a new car was in order, or a more reliable car! Well by the grace of God a car fell into place, and that little situation cleared itself up pretty quickly! I will say that my husband and I are working the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace System (the best we can), and that has really helped keep our spending in perspective. I may not have the most amazing, dream car, but I have a car that runs and is reliable. We may not go out to eat as much as we'd like, or buy all the silly things we want, but we have everything we need and we are living within our means! Besides my student loans my husband and I do not have any debt. It is not always easy, but I have to think it is going to be worth it in the end! Just like anything else in life, there is sacrifice, and dedication until you reach your final goal. Which financially would be to be debt free!! Woohoo!! I highly recommend taking Financial Peace, it has really helped my husband and I remain on the same page regarding finances. We paid off both of our cars in the first few months of our marriage, and have been working to save to put both of us back through school without incurring any more debt!!

On another note, I listen to lots of pod casts. I did realize how much I listen to them until the past few days when I did not have the ability to listen to my IPhone in my car, and had to listen to the radio, and I did not recognize a lot of the songs anymore!! But while I had been listening to my IPhone I was made aware of two points that really stuck out to me:
1.Most people don't know what it feels like to be functioning at their optimal level, because they don't put in the work to get there. 2.Don't be jealous of what someone else has, if you are not willing to put in the same time and effort, and go through the struggles they did to get there.

These are such amazing points to reflect on! I really feel like this can be applied to so many things, on so many levels!

I am currently into week 5 of training for the Detroit Half Marathon, with only 10 weeks to go! I am honestly proud of myself for continuing to stick through it! It is getting harder, but I am some how becoming a faster runner! I am up to 6 miles as my longest run, and am pacing between 10:30 and 11:30 per mile. There have been a couple points while running I have had to reflect, pray, and remind myself what I am doing this for. For all those who can't run, I will run for them! Also time is now becoming a factor. At the beginning of this training, I could run a couple of miles on my lunch break, if I didn't have time after work. Now that I am running 4+ miles on a given day it is not that easy. I am having to make a conscious plan of when and wear I am going to run. This week I have been waking up early in the morning to run before work. With the school year approaching again, I feel like this will remain a necessity if I am going to stick with this. It will all be a very careful balancing act of essential activities. Work, school, run, eat, sleep, repeat... And adding more God time in! I had made that commitment to myself along with the running that I will make more time for God as well! Maybe on the days I don't run, maintaining my early morning scheduled to spend time with God! Ah ha! It will be a Divine balance act... Such as life!